Thread:Lordofninjas1/@comment-1639863-20171011184718/@comment-4276072-20171015194156

Byfield wrote: Looking at what you added under History:
 * "The Thinker is first seen at the end of the Flash Season 4 Episode 1, discussing with his assistant, Mechanic, what the next part of their plan is now that Barry Allen has returned from the Speed Force."

As far as grammar goes, the only quibble is that the title of the show should be italicized.

The perspective though is wrong. It is written from you perspective, as a viewer of the episode. It should be written from the perspective of someone with in the setting of the show relating the event. Such as:
 * "With the destruction of the Samauroid, the Thinker is asked by his assistant what their next step is since the Flash has returned. His response is simply 'I'm thinking'. "

See the difference?

Beyond that, there is also a concerted effort to not try to include every jot and tittle of a characters actions and appearances in the history. The history should wind up being something that hits the important points. In that respect something like the following is a bit more apt.
 * "Six months after the Flash entered the Speed Force, disappearing from Central City without explanation outside of Team Flash, the Thinker enacts a plan to force him to reappear. He releases a Samuaroid built by his assistant to threaten the destruction of the city. In the wake of the return of the Flash, he begins thinking through his next step. "

Again, see the difference?



I wasn't told that that was "from my perspective" I was only told that it was out of universe or whatever. I even stated that I would be willing to go back and rewrite it to make it better fit the convention, but was seemingly denied that.

also as I stated previously first appearances/origins and whatever are important points, which is what I hit and then you wrongly assumed (seemingly mostly based on how I wrote it originally) that I was going to do a play-by-play and hit every little point about it, which, as I stated previously, was not the intention. also, that ":"Six months after the Flash entered the Speed Force, disappearing from Central City without explanation outside of Team Flash, the Thinker enacts a plan to force him to reappear. He releases a Samuaroid built by his assistant to threaten the destruction of the city. In the wake of the return of the Flash, he begins thinking through his next step. " bit of your comment broke the conciseness rule, as that could be cut down considerably to the previous ":"With the destruction of the Samauroid, the Thinker is asked by his assistant what their next step is since the Flash has returned. His response is simply 'I'm thinking'. " and could be cut even a bit further to something like "after the Samuroids destruction, the Mechanic asks the thinker what the next part of the plan is for Barry Allen, to which he replies "I'm thinking." the largest one is about 60 words, the second is 29 words, and the one I proposed just now is 26 words, so see, you broke the conciseness rule and I actually followed it, so not very good examples.