Bizarro Comics

{{DC Database:Comic Template
 * Title              = Bizarro Comics
 * Image              = Bizarro_Comics_1.jpg
 * Volume             = 1
 * Issue              = 1
 * Month              =
 * Year               = 2001


 * Executive Editor   = Jenette Kahn
 * CoverArtist1       = Matt Groening


 * PreviousIssue      = &mdash;
 * NextIssue          = &mdash;


 * Quotation          = You just saying that because Bizarro have such pretty hair!
 * Speaker            = Bizarro


 * StoryTitle1        = "Bizarro Comics"
 * Synopsis1          =

"Bizarre Wars" Part One
Credits

Writer: Chris Duffy

Artist: Stephen DeStefano

Colorist: Marie Severin

Letterer: Phil Felix

Cast

Synopsis

"Super-Pets"
Credits

Writer: Sam Henderson

Artist: Bob Fingerman

Cast

Synopsis

Superman's parents find room in the last rocket from Krypton for not just their son, but their Cat, Dog, Cow, Horse, Raccoon, Pig, Rooster, Hen, Lizard, Goat, Frog, Elephant, Zebra, Sheep and Walrus. With dozens of cute caped animals flying around, Superman is considered not that big of a deal, and Clark Kent is unable to get a job at the Daily Planet, even after he reveals his secret identity. And Krypton didn't actually blow up. The El's kinda goofed.

Green Lantern in "The Afterthoughts"
Credits

Writer: Chris Duffy

Artist: Craig Thompson

Colorist: Lee Loughridge

Cast

Synopsis

After thwarting several criminals using a Boxing Glove, Lasso and scattered Marbles, Green Lantern Alan Scott forgets to reabsorb them into his ring. The three constructs, purposeless, search for the meaning of their existence in Beatnik cafes, Philosophical texts, Therapy, Church, Television, Buddhist Meditation, Popular Music and Modern Art. Still clueless, eventually they find Doctor Fate, who explains to them their reality. They see Alan Scott, their previously unknown father being carried down the street as a hero, hug, and happily fade away from their tragic existence.

"The Bat-Man"
Credits

Writer: Chip Kidd

Artist: Tony Millionaire

Cast

Synopsis

"Captain Marvel and the Sham Shazam"
Credits

Writer: Sam Henderson

Artist: Dean Haspiel

Colorist: Matt Madden

Letterer: Bill Oakley

Cast

Synopsis

Doctor Sivana, dressed as a student, finds Shazam, and tricks him into revealing the name of a much stupider Marvel Creature, DUH (Dumbosthenes for Stupidity, Uloussies for Clumsiness, Hopelesscules for Cluelessness). He then tricks Billy Batson into saying "DUH" during a robbery, and he becomes the bumbling bucktoothed goofy Captain Marvel knock-off. Sivana is thwarted when Duh says "Shazam" by coincidence. Captain Marvel then treats both the Justice League and the Justice Society to Ice Cream with his reward money.

"Letitia Lerner, Superman's Babysitter"
Credits

Writers: Kyle Baker, Liz Glass

Artist: Kyle Baker

Cast

Synopsis

Ma and Pa Kent hire Letitia Lerner as a babysitter for the infant Clark, so that they might have one night to themselves. Baby Clark falls through the floor under the weight of the giant boulder holding him in his crib, climbs a giant bookshelf, swings on the ceiling fan, shatters all of the windows in the house, electrocutes himself and Letitia with the phone cord, drinks Milk directly from the cow, climbs on the roof, microwaves himself, rides away on a horse, and takes a nap in the middle of the Highway. When Ma and Pa Kent return home, they see the destruction and offer to pay Letitia double if she can work the next weekend as well.

Aquaman in "Silence of the Fishes"
Credits

Writer: Evan Dorkin, Brian David-Marshall

Artist: Bill Wray

Colorist: Matt Hollingsworth

Letterer: John Costanza

Cast

Synopsis

While him and his family are tied up by Black Manta, Aquaman refuses to ask for help from the Creatures of the Sea, because he is simply not speaking with them, having gotten in an argument. When his family prods him to call the JLA, he insists that he is not speaking to them either. The family ends up dying of starvation.

Aquaman in "Porcine Panic"
Credits

Writer: Andy Merrill

Artist: Jason Little

Cast

Synopsis

In a bathtub, an Aquaman action figure attempts to save an ark full of dolls from a giant squeaky Pig.

The Metal Men in "Tinocchio Syndrome"
Credits

Writer: Bob Fingerman

Artist: Pat McEown

Colorist: Matt Hollingsworth

Letterer: Bill Oakley

Cast

Synopsis

"Wonder Girl vs. Wonder Tot"
Credits

Writer: Andi Watson

Artist: Mark Crilley

Colorist: Lee Loughridge

Cast

Synopsis

Wonder Girl and Wonder Tot race as fast as they can to sit next to Wonder Woman at breakfast on Paradise Island, but cause so much destruction on the way that upon arrival as punishment Wonder Woman forces them to bus and clean dishes.

Hawkman in "The Egg-Napper"
Credits

Writer: James Kochalka

Artist: Dylan Horrocks

Colorist: Abe Foreu

Cast

Synopsis

Hawkman, sworn to help all birds, investigates the theft of a Bluejay's egg. He finds it's been stolen by a Thanagarian criminal so diabolical, that he doesn't even care of the value of what he steals, just so long as he's stealing things. Hawkman catches the criminal and brings him to justice, much to the Bluejay's approval.

"The GL Corps: The Few, The Proud"
Credits

Writer: Will Pfeifer

Artist: Jill Thompson

Colorist: Rick Taylor

Letterer: Clem Robins

Cast

Synopsis

Supergirl and Mary Marvel in "The Clubhouse of Solitude"
Credits

Writer: Dylan Horrocks

Artist: Jessica Abel

Colorist: Matt Madden

Cast

Synopsis

"Kamandi: The Last Band on Earth"
Credits

Writer: Nick Bertozzi

Artist: Tom Hart

Colorist: Matt Madden

Cast

Synopsis

"Help! Superman!"
Credits

Writer: Jeff Smith

Artist: Paul Pope

Colorist: Lee Loughridge

Cast

Synopsis

Superman uses backwards logic to convince Bizarro to stop being a supervillain based on his own requirements of backwardness, confusing him to the point where he decides to take up gardening. Superman wishes he could just do the same thing with Mr. Mxzyptlk.

Aquaman in "The Man Who Cried Fish"
Credits

Writer: Jef Czekaj

Artist: Brian Ralph

Cast

Synopsis

Bored at home playing solitaire, Aquaman uses his powers to call the Creatures of the Deep, then repeatedly hides behind his sofa and laughs at their confusion. The third time he calls them they do not come, and when he goes out to look for them, he is eaten by a giant fish, which all of the other fish find hilarious. In the end he sadly sits in the fishes stomach and plays more solitaire.

Wonder Woman in "One-Piece, Two-Piece, Red Piece, Blue Piece"
Credits

Writer: Bob Fingerman

Artist: Dave Cooper

Cast

Synopsis

"Bats Outa Heck"
Credits

Writer: Ellen Forney

Artist: Ariel Bordeaux

Cast

Synopsis

Two obsessed gothish Batman fangirls find out they will be dissecting bats in Biology, and instead steal the Bat corpses and give them a proper burial.

"Who Erased the Eraser?"
Credits

Writer: Eddie Campbell

Artist: Hunt Emerson

Colorist: Rick Taylor

Cast

Synopsis

The Atom in "First Contact"
Credits

Writer: Mark Crilley

Artist: Andi Watson

Cast

Synopsis

The Atom battles a squirrel, a small child and an army of ants attempting to find a tiny clear white circular object which he believes could someday save the world. It is revealed to be one of Wonder Woman's contacts, and she is trying to hide that she needs glasses from the other leaguers at the annual league picnic. Atom wishes he had a better job as Hawkman has him shrink into an Olive jar to retrieve olives his larger hands cannot reach.

The Batman in "Inside the Batcave"
Credits

Writer: Paul Pope

Artist: Jay Stephens

Cast

Synopsis

A young child running away from home stumbles into the Batcave, astonished to find out Batman really exists. He looks over the trophy room, and eats the lunch he packed. When Batman returns and finds an unfinished sandwich on the floor of the cave, he investigates and finds the boy asleep in the Batmobile. The boy wakes up again in his own bed, where his brother insists he was dreaming. But in his pocket is still a moon rock he picked up off of Batman's table.

"Solomon Grundy: Bored on a Monday"
Credits

Writer: Evan Dorkin

Artist: D'Israeli

Cast

Synopsis

Solomon Grundy raids a supermarket and eats and drinks his fill of stolen goods before Alan Scott bursts in and, wishing to use non-violent means, explains the wrongs of shoplifting using a green energy Economics Graph. Confused, Grundy goes back to his swamp to think for a long time, until he wishes that as a villain he shouldn't care about right or wrong. He angrily returns to the supermarket for revenge to find it locked up for the night. He sits down in the parking lot and laments at how boring being a zombie is.

"The Most Bizarre Bizarro of All!"
Credits

Writer: Alvin Schwartz

Artist: Roger Langridge

Colorist: Lee Loughridge

Cast

Synopsis

The World's Finest Team in "That's Really Super, Superman!"
Credits

Writer: Ivan Brunetti

Artist: Evan Dorkin

Colorist: Sarah Dyer

Cast

Synopsis

Batman is distraught at how useless he seems in comparison to Superman. Increasingly angry as Superman continues to one-up him, he sees a psychiatrist who tells him he could still become something useful, like a Meter Maid or Mall Security. Furious he purchases a disguise and a gigantic lump of Kryptonite, then visits the Fortress of Solitude. Looking in through the window, he sees Superman dressing up with a Batman mask and pretending to be him in front of the mirror.

"The J'onn J'onzz Celebrity Roast"
Credits

Writer: Evan Dorkin

Artist: Carol Lay

Colorist: Tom McCraw

Cast

Synopsis

Martian Manhunter's Celebrity Roast is going fantastically until his cake with flaming candles on it causes him to pass out much to Superman's embarassment.

"Wonder Woman's Day Off"
Credits

Writer: Ariel Bordeaux

Artist: Ellen Forney

Cast

Synopsis

Wonder Woman calls in sick to the Justice League so that she can relax one day. At a cafe, two beatniks invite her to a poetry slam. She spends the day writing a poem, and it is so beautiful that Batman and Hawkman tear up and are forced to console each other.

"Unknown Challenges of the Challengers of the Unknown"
Credits

Writer: Evan Dorkin

Artist: Bill Wray

Colorist: Matt Hollingsworth

Letterer: John Costanza

Cast

Synopsis

The Challengers of the Unknown, in their customary dramatic and dynamic format, win a bowling match, guess the amount of jelly beans in a jar to win themselves a small color TV, obtain a good deal on home improvement rates, and eat a particularly difficult piece of beef.

"Without You, I'm Nothing"
Credits

Writer: Evan Dorkin

Artist: Steven Weissman

Colorist: Sarah Dyer

Cast

Synopsis

"Bizarre Wars" Part Two
Credits

Writer: Chris Duffy

Artist: Stephen DeStefano

Colorist: Marie Severin

Letterer: Phil Felix

Cast

Synopsis


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