"The Naked Afternoon Snack": Animal Man is interrogated by the police after taking a bite out of the neck of a police horse in front of hundreds of animal rights activists. Despite his obvious guilt, and inability to control himself, Buddy is released by order of t
- Marvin Gaye is alive! I mean, something is wrong with the world. Of course it's great that he's not dead, but he should be... or else something is wrong with my perception of how the world ought to be...
Synopsis for "The Naked Afternoon Snack"
Animal Man is interrogated by the police after taking a bite out of the neck of a police horse in front of hundreds of animal rights activists. Despite his obvious guilt, and inability to control himself, Buddy is released by order of the CIA.
While wandering in a park to clear his head, Buddy finds a newspaper which claims that Marvin Gaye is still alive. This brings him to the realization that more than just his family and powers are different from his memories. Buddy goes to the library, and confirms his suspicions that there are other discrepancies. He returns home to bring the information to his wife Ellen.
Buddy is surprised to catch Ellen having an affair with her wealthy friend Mike. Buddy is stupefied, knowing that his wife never would have acted this way before things changed. He becomes enraged and attacks Mike, envisioning himself as an alpha male ape, defeating and then humiliating his opponent. He declares that having defeated Mike, Ellen is now his again - but of course she agrees to no such thing. Buddy becomes angry again, but he is stopped by a strange man.
Ellen leaves with Mike, telling Buddy to be gone when she returns. In his strange speaking patterns, the man introduces himself as Nowhere Man, explaining that he has been sent to recruit Buddy as his partner under orders by the CIA. They go to a bar, where Nowhere Man details his history. He was molecularly displaced as a result of repressed sexuality, caused by his puritanical mother. He joined his drunken uncle Barney's circus as the Molecularly Displaced Freak, and had his first sexual experiences with Lizard Girl. Unfortunately, both Barney and Lizard girl died. He had joined pair of third-rate heroes, The Front Page and The Notional Man, but had to leave when they started making bad pornographic films.
As he tells this story, a strange figure outside tosses a metal newspaper through the window, with a headline reading that Nowhere Man will be butchered in a revenge slaying. This is the weapon of the Front Page, who wants revenge for the fact that Nowhere Man stole all of the money the team had when he left. The Notional Man appears, pinning Nowhere Man in his forceps, and Buddy decides to take the opportunity to escape. However, he can't leave Nowhere Man to that fate, and he returns.
When Buddy attacks the Front Page, the headlines all across the villain's body begin mocking Buddy's recent attack on the police horse. Buddy gets angry, and clubs the Front Page in the head. The Front Page's skull is cracked, and he dies. The Notional Man swears revenge, and Buddy and Nowhere Man dispose of the body before going to night club to take their minds off of it.
Buddy catches a glimpse of the Notional Man in the club, and follows him outside. He realizes that the Notional Man had left a package in the club, and that is must have been a bomb. As he runs back inside the club to save its occupants, the entire building explodes.
Appearing in "The Naked Afternoon Snack"
- Nowhere Man (First appearance)
- Ellen Baker
- This issue is reprinted in Animal Man: Born to Be Wild.
- Crisis on Infinite Earths: The Compendium stated this was an appearance of Earth-Twenty-Seven.