HELP WANTED. Looking for a few brassy lassies willing to make the world a better place, take a bite out of crime, and b a part of something bigger than themselves... There will be no background check, as experience with insubordinance will only work to your advantage in the hiring process.
But the clown-spankin' truth is this, our strength comes not from being whole, but from bein' broken differently. Because there's enough of us, we are whole together.
Ya wanna know what this is really about, Mistah J? It's about cognitive empathy. It's about finally understandin' what it was like ta be me in our relationship. By experiencin' what it's like ta be trapped.
This can't be like all the other times. This story needs to change. It needs an ending.
Holee hairy scarlet an' scary! What the fuzzy hell are YOU? I mean...WHO the fuzzy hell are you?
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! It's hysterical, Mr. J! Welp, scratch one slinky stink bomb! Let her have it, puddin'!
Right now what I want... is to hold onto what I have. Because without that, I'm not sure I have anything. Aww, jeez! I blew the whistle on him! What was I thinking?!
My book, Red Tool. I never lose.
Not everyone understands her intentions are for the good' of the whole wide world! I'm her best friend.
Welcome, everybody, ta the greatest show in the whole wide world! My birth name is Harleen Quinzel, but my friends an' enemies know me simply as Harley Quinn! I will be your host-est with the most-est this evening!
What part of what I said didn't you guys get? If anyone is doin' any Scooby-Dooin' around here, it's me. Just me. No damned meddlin' kids allowed.
I'm Harley Quinn. Twice the smarts of Batman and all the vitamins of a bowl of oranges.
Y'see, Granny, takin' people less fortunate than meself an' herdin' them ta certain death... it just ain't my je ne sais quoi.
Ugh...Th-That stings. Ya c-can hit me with that hammer a hundred times--but I learned the meanin' o' life! Or, at least, my life! There ain't nothin'--and I mean nothin'--I love more than seein' a grade-A jerkface like you so furious! I'm havin' the time o' my life!
Attention Losers! Ya just messed with the wrooooong secret headquarters! So says Harley Quinn!... I can play whack-a-mook all day, ya mooks!
Let's be real, yer dyin' for the approval of yer dad, and he ain't even qualified to give it! He should always want ya to be the best version of yerself, even if ya fight about it! Don't become a monster for someone who doesn't even want the best for ya!
Listen up! What's the best holiday? Christmas! I don't need to tell ya, I been havin' a real hard time lately! An' Christmas has been the one thing I'm lookin' forward to! If ya ruin it fer me... I'll kill all y'all and hang ya with th' stockings! Ho ho ho!
Bats -- after all we've been through, all the ups and downs -- ya really think I'm irredeemable?
Don't worry, ma. I already laughed in the face a Death once today. An' if he comes back, I'll do it again.
If I'm not outta here in five seconds, somebody's gonna get their spleen ripped out. I mean it...spleenless! As in no spleen. About ta get a splenectomy. Adios spleen-ios, if you will. Spleen-free! Aw, ya get the idea.
I mean, for one thing...you thought you could tie me up? Me? I'll have you know, professionals have tied me up--and not just Ivy on date night, either!
We usually do bat for the bad guys. Pun intended. But where has it gotten us? It's the same joke over and over. We've heard that punch line. But maybe we need a change. Maybe we should try being heroes. ...And not just when we're framed for a bunch of murders. For real. ...Babe?
We had two bags a' catnip, seventy-five rounds a' hollow point bullets, half a bag a' fried bacon an' three copies a' Death of Superman.
Love makes ya crazy, Mistah V, but sometimes ya get so mixed up an' crazy in love, y'can't tell that yer sweetie is nasty an' yer relationship is toxic.
Naughty naughty, Space-head jerk! You wanted ta get inta my head, an' in turn I got inta yours -- an' with me came Mistah J.
Hey, so, this has been so fun. But sadly, I got to go. Now, as I do... I want to leave you with one thought. A reminder, really. Booster did it!
Wait, Wally's alive?!
Harley, I'm trying to figure out why you're trapped. Why you're trapped in a cycle you can't seem to escape. I want to set you free.
Trust me, if anyone should know about him, it's me. He was the biggest mistake of my life... Do not let him be yours.
It's so nice to get out of prison, you guys! I mean... it can get kind of oppressive being a bad guy covertly working for the good guys, taking out other bad guys because of the brain bombs the good guys illegally and immorally put in our brains!
Maybe we choose madness. Maybe it chooses us. I don't know. Once, a long time ago, I was Dr. Harleen Quinzel, psychotherapist. Maybe she'd have known. But let's imagine, for a second, that we do choose madness. Why would anyone do that, do you think? Perhaps it's because the insane realize, at some quantum emotional level, that we are alone in this indifferent universe and always will be. And madness is company. Another voice in the wilderness. White noise to break the silence you ain't ever coming back from...
You said it yourself, Amanda. I'm a killer. We are all killers. This is the Suicide Squad. You want to use criminals to save the world? This is what you get. We are not heroes. So blow my brains out if you need to, Waller. Kill me. Better dead than your slave.
Y'know, reader with hands over eyes...I'm amazed to think, in this brief oasis moment of frozen lucidity amidst the tumult...that we're actually gonna make it. We are definitely gonna make it...I am an excellent driver....AHHHHH!!! Whose $%&£&%$ idea was this again?!
Y'know, it's ironic. And not in the "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife" sense. America's the land of the free. Someone commits a crime? You remove their freedom. Throw them behind bars. Then you go back about your lives. Your free lives of rigid nine-to-five schedules. Of mortgages that last a whole adult life. Of doing what your president or news outlet of choice or yer preacher tells you.... See, that's the appeal of madness--true freedom. No doors! No walls! No pants! All da fun thoughts all da time....
Yeah, I was looking forward to a knockout mallet big-brawl showdown with POTUS himself! I mean, one of us is crazy, right?
Nothing says 'l'chaim' like a girl dressed in a stripper clown outfit wielding a hundred-pound mallet.
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