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This page contains a listing of notable quotes by Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth).

Pages with a quote from this character will automatically be added here along with the quote.

(This template will categorize articles that include it into Category:Quotes.)

Quote1.png Nothing says 'l'chaim' like a girl dressed in a stripper clown outfit wielding a hundred-pound mallet. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png HELP WANTED. Looking for a few brassy lassies willing to make the world a better place, take a bite out of crime, and b a part of something bigger than themselves... There will be no background check, as experience with insubordinance will only work to your advantage in the hiring process. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png But the clown-spankin' truth is this, our strength comes not from being whole, but from bein' broken differently. Because there's enough of us, we are whole together. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Ya wanna know what this is really about, Mistah J? It's about cognitive empathy. It's about finally understandin' what it was like ta be me in our relationship. By experiencin' what it's like ta be trapped. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Gotham needs you to get your @#$$ together, or we're all gonna die! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png This can't be like all the other times. This story needs to change. It needs an ending. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png With that in mind, we opted for the next best thing...a big, splashy holiday special! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png My rational mind can recognize pain when I see it. But my rational mind is in a pretty small box. All tied up with a bow on it. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Hey, Grifter! Anyone ever tell you you're supposed to break out of jail-- not into it, you idiot? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Welcome, ladies and genocides! Ta the Annual Villain Awards!'' Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Holee hairy scarlet an' scary! What the fuzzy hell are YOU? I mean...WHO the fuzzy hell are you? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Okay, my li'l sea treasure...Let's see if ya got any interestin' messages in you. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! It's hysterical, Mr. J! Welp, scratch one slinky stink bomb! Let her have it, puddin'! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Right now what I want... is to hold onto what I have. Because without that, I'm not sure I have anything. Aww, jeez! I blew the whistle on him! What was I thinking?! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png My book, Red Tool. I never lose. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Not everyone understands her intentions are for the good' of the whole wide world! I'm her best friend. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Mmmm, spiked eggnog. It's like the cream a' Christmas in a spoon! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Holee-Clusterfolee, it's a friggin' zoo in here! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Bruce Wayne, yer millionaire butt is sooo mine. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I would be instigating mayhem everywhere I go! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Understood, Dr. Hertz. Too much of anything is no good. Not. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Nice to meet'cha too. Anyone ever tell you your breath stinks of cheese farts? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Sorry. I was tryin' out somethin' for our new team. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Well, if you ain't findin' my bodacious bongos distractin'-- I'm sure you'll be mesmerized by my resplendent rear end! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Look, I'm in no mood for this crap. Especially after the day I been havin! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png What's gonna happen here is, I'm gonna turn off the lights fer two minutes, an' when I turn 'em back on, whoever's still standin' gets the job. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I must let the world know about my craving. I want pancakes and I want them now! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Yeah, but it's like twenty-five bucks now. They oughta give you a massage with that, y'know? I mean, I can almost buy five comics with that. It's crime on a Wednesday, I tell ya. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Gotham's so pretty from this distance. I miss my friends, but the city itself has changed ... I've changed, too. I love the home I have now." Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I love it! It's so... cinematic! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png That was so not romantic. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png The rest of you have five seconds before I take your tacky tickle toys and find new places ta shove 'em! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Maybe we should just let 'im... y'know... kick the bucket natcherly. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Holee stinkerolee! It smells like a turd's butthole back here. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Hey, shishka-bimbo... You try an' turn my friend into cole slaw... and I'm gonna go all hibachi steakhouse on your ass! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png How's my babies? Anyone squeeze out some more ammo for mama? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png What the Hell? That suit! What are you, the president'a my fan club? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Welcome, everybody, ta the greatest show in the whole wide world! My birth name is Harleen Quinzel, but my friends an' enemies know me simply as Harley Quinn! I will be your host-est with the most-est this evening! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png What part of what I said didn't you guys get? If anyone is doin' any Scooby-Dooin' around here, it's me. Just me. No damned meddlin' kids allowed. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Harley's back, bitches. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I'm Harley Quinn. Twice the smarts of Batman and all the vitamins of a bowl of oranges. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png A hammer, a dog and no rules! What else could a gal want?! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Y'see, Granny, takin' people less fortunate than meself an' herdin' them ta certain death... it just ain't my je ne sais quoi. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Ugh...Th-That stings. Ya c-can hit me with that hammer a hundred times--but I learned the meanin' o' life! Or, at least, my life! There ain't nothin'--and I mean nothin'--I love more than seein' a grade-A jerkface like you so furious! I'm havin' the time o' my life! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Attention Losers! Ya just messed with the wrooooong secret headquarters! So says Harley Quinn!... I can play whack-a-mook all day, ya mooks! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Let's be real, yer dyin' for the approval of yer dad, and he ain't even qualified to give it! He should always want ya to be the best version of yerself, even if ya fight about it! Don't become a monster for someone who doesn't even want the best for ya! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Listen up! What's the best holiday? Christmas! I don't need to tell ya, I been havin' a real hard time lately! An' Christmas has been the one thing I'm lookin' forward to! If ya ruin it fer me... I'll kill all y'all and hang ya with th' stockings! Ho ho ho! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I like ta cause a ruckus as much as anyone. What I don't understand is -- why do it for such boring old ideas?! I mean, if yer gonna be evil, at least make it interestin'. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Bats -- after all we've been through, all the ups and downs -- ya really think I'm irredeemable? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I took on Apokolips! Just like she said! Heck, I survived a relationship with th' Joker! I got more guts in my boot heel than she does in her entire family! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Don't worry, ma. I already laughed in the face a Death once today. An' if he comes back, I'll do it again. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png If I'm not outta here in five seconds, somebody's gonna get their spleen ripped out. I mean it...spleenless! As in no spleen. About ta get a splenectomy. Adios spleen-ios, if you will. Spleen-free! Aw, ya get the idea. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I mean, for one thing...you thought you could tie me up? Me? I'll have you know, professionals have tied me up--and not just Ivy on date night, either! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png We usually do bat for the bad guys. Pun intended. But where has it gotten us? It's the same joke over and over. We've heard that punch line. But maybe we need a change. Maybe we should try being heroes. ...And not just when we're framed for a bunch of murders. For real. ...Babe? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png What kind of alien ass do I gotta kick?! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I'm gonna creatify me some art! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png We had two bags a' catnip, seventy-five rounds a' hollow point bullets, half a bag a' fried bacon an' three copies a' Death of Superman. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Love makes ya crazy, Mistah V, but sometimes ya get so mixed up an' crazy in love, y'can't tell that yer sweetie is nasty an' yer relationship is toxic. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Naughty naughty, Space-head jerk! You wanted ta get inta my head, an' in turn I got inta yours -- an' with me came Mistah J. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Hey, so, this has been so fun. But sadly, I got to go. Now, as I do... I want to leave you with one thought. A reminder, really. Booster did it! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Wait, Wally's alive?! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Body not working like it should, Middy? Parasite's pirating your enhancements. Gotta change your Wi-Fi password regularly, I always say. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Ya wanna know what else I think about the Fist of Cain? I think they're gonna haveta do a major membership drive after this. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Aw, Mr. Reed. You thought you could "outevil" us. The Friggin' Suicide Squad. You made a deal with demons. What'd you think would happen, ya silly goose? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Harley, I'm trying to figure out why you're trapped. Why you're trapped in a cycle you can't seem to escape. I want to set you free. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Trust me, if anyone should know about him, it's me. He was the biggest mistake of my life... Do not let him be yours. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Although it was intriguing, I felt what I was doing was nothing extraordinary and found myself drawn back ta the subject that has always had my interest. The criminal mind. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Dude, I have white skin, two colors of hair, and I dress like a roller derby reject. What part of "Covert" do you think I do? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png We're all a li'l screwy in the brain, Floyd... But the shrink in me says you've gotta way better chance of helping your daughter if you're still alive. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Well, aren't you a peach? There are a ton of things I hate about myself, but my face isn't one of them, so I think I'll keep that. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png You were dead. I'm positive of it. And I got thirty-six stitches in my wrist yesterday. Now look. Gone. They're pumping us with something. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Nothing says l'Chaim like a girl dressed in a stripper clown outfit wielding a hundred-pound mallet. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Wheee...! This is just like a video game I love called Zombie Wombie. I can get all the way to the last level! It's where I always die. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Lookit mah gangsta skeelz. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Boy, taking care of babies is harder than it looks. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png It's so nice to get out of prison, you guys! I mean... it can get kind of oppressive being a bad guy covertly working for the good guys, taking out other bad guys because of the brain bombs the good guys illegally and immorally put in our brains! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Maybe we choose madness. Maybe it chooses us. I don't know. Once, a long time ago, I was Dr. Harleen Quinzel, psychotherapist. Maybe she'd have known. But let's imagine, for a second, that we do choose madness. Why would anyone do that, do you think? Perhaps it's because the insane realize, at some quantum emotional level, that we are alone in this indifferent universe and always will be. And madness is company. Another voice in the wilderness. White noise to break the silence you ain't ever coming back from... Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png You're a slave, I'm a slave, we go kill a few more people in the name of one's person's justification of freedom when what they really mean is...CONTROL! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I got a message for you from Waller. She says, "I was right, Caitlin. And this is who you really are. Bitch." Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png You said it yourself, Amanda. I'm a killer. We are all killers. This is the Suicide Squad. You want to use criminals to save the world? This is what you get. We are not heroes. So blow my brains out if you need to, Waller. Kill me. Better dead than your slave. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Y'know, reader with hands over eyes...I'm amazed to think, in this brief oasis moment of frozen lucidity amidst the tumult...that we're actually gonna make it. We are definitely gonna make it...I am an excellent driver....AHHHHH!!! Whose $%&£&%$ idea was this again?! Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Y'know, it's ironic. And not in the "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife" sense. America's the land of the free. Someone commits a crime? You remove their freedom. Throw them behind bars. Then you go back about your lives. Your free lives of rigid nine-to-five schedules. Of mortgages that last a whole adult life. Of doing what your president or news outlet of choice or yer preacher tells you.... See, that's the appeal of madness--true freedom. No doors! No walls! No pants! All da fun thoughts all da time.... Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Yeah, I was looking forward to a knockout mallet big-brawl showdown with POTUS himself! I mean, one of us is crazy, right? Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png Every super-villain in Belle Reve has gone murdery-loco... And I, Harley Quinn -- the mad quinnpin of crime --- have just got my sanity back... Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

Quote1.png I'm not gonna lie... ... It'never ended well. Quote2.png

--Harleen Quinzel (Prime Earth)

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