John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)/Quotes

I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

As they say, truth is stranger than fiction. Rich, on the other hand, is stranger than both.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Nobody died. Except me.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

The spirits aren't so different from anyone else. They see what they want to see.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You just about blew up the north of England, you stupid bastards! The missiles! Did you touch them?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

What is it with you people? Do I have some kind of sign on me back, "Walking Sperm Bank - Withdrawals Welcome"? Is that it?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Jesus, this is serious. No wonder I've been hiding from it. Murder, it's got a pulse all its own -- slow, cold electricity. If it comes down to it, Constantine -- do you really think you can do it?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

He's killed him, Chas. The bastard's done my dad. I should've thought. He always goes after families. If he gets me he'll kill Cheryl and the kid. I've got to get ahead of him.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Executioners are always volunteers. They do it because they want to.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

C'mon, Dad, cut this out, eh? I'm sorry, but it's done now. It's over. You're dead and cremated, mate. You're free -- you don't have to stay here anymore. Anyway, why take it out on the girl. If you want to haunt someone, haunt me. Where's your sense of humor, Pop? All sons kill their fathers, don't they say?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Can't do it, can you? You're pre-programmed, mate! So long as I do this, your instincts won't let you touch me! But of course, I'm not a dog... am I? So I can cheat.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Don't try to catch me, Marj. I'll drag you down. Don't trust me. Don't let me taint you. Hah hah! It's a disease, you see. Riddled with it, I am -- caught it from something I dug up as a kid.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

It's the awful, lonely secret of the dead-boy's heart-- and you must keep it to your grave. But the very worst thing is -- once you know it -- you're a bogeyman too.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You need a broader experience to understand what makes people who they are -- how the patterns of the past inform the future.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Strewth, Chap -- Looks like you need a steak' for that shiner.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Yes, it's the truth. Incontrovertible -- you know it is. You killed him, murdered him in your dead mother's womb. You killed the Golden Boy, the Magus -- Killed the best part of yourself. You're as guilty as original sin. Condemned and hanged for it -- over and over again.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I think I'm going round the twist. For a second there I almost had meself believing 'em. This bloody place must be getting to me. It's so real, it's unreal.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I've had enough of this, Marston. Either you tell me what you want me for right now, or I send you straight to hell. What's it to be?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

It'll be bloody lethal if we screw it up. We'll end up with our bollocks ripped off. Make no mistake about it.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You're talking about putting the thing that used to be Jack the Ripper in charge of us? The bastard eats people, you headcase!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

This place -- they're desecrating the bodies and it's buggering up the souls. They can't get into the afterlife. They're stuck.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

And now she's got a bun in the oven, eh? Don't they have rubbers in Heaven?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Shit...! Forgot to give him the finger.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I can hear the old days calling... Some of the shit I got off with last year, it's like '83 all over again. Out of the shadows and "all right, squire? Trust me." And gone before you know it. Christ, that was a laugh... So I remind myself it wasn't, it was dead mates and lost souls and cold nights with the bottle while the ghosts howeld round the door... and now it's different anyway. Kit... And saying her name makes me more determined. And I almost believe my own bullshit.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Nice one, Schwarzenegger. Been giving it a bit extra on the five-knuckle shuffle, have we?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Stop... bloody... 'membrin'...

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

And I drink. It tastes of evil, hatred, spite, cruelty, sadism. It tastes of screwing the other bastard good and proper... It tastes of winning... And I drain it to the last frigging drop.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You never gave up. You knew the precious thing you had, and you scraped and clawed and fought to the last drop of blood for life-- And I think I owe you something, mate.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

There aren't any good guys, and there aren't any bad guys. There's just us. People. Doing our best to get by.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Madness is the only constant.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You'd better stay here, Danny... 'Cos if you try to get out of this house tonight, I'll kill you.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

C'mon then, you maggoty piece of Hell meat! Eat me! I'll bloody choke you!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Guilt is the province of the living!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

When it comes to arrogant parasites, I've got a short fuse. So look out, suckers, here comes the revolution!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I'm the one who steps from the shadows, all trenchcoat and cigarette and arrogance, ready to deal with the madness. Oh, I've got it all sewn up. I can save you. If it takes the last drop of your blood, I'll drive your demons away. I'll kick them in the bollocks and spit on them when they're down, and then I'll be gone back into the darkness, leaving only a nod and a wink and a wisecrack. I walk my path alone... who would want to walk with me?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Oh I see. There's some twat sitting somewhere with a pair of scales is there? Measuring good and evil in ounces? That's your problem mate. The whole bloody lot of you just wander about like a pack of wankers, seeing everything in black and white.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

The most dangerous moment of the most dangerous game I've ever played. If they fall for this bit, it'll all be plain sailing.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I pinned all my hopes on Brendan, and I'm sure he did the same thing with me and what a waste of time it all turned out as. And thank Christ we did it, because I'm pissed and happy and I'm with my mate. Thank bloody Christ.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Can you see me now, all you friends I've lost and betrayed? Do you wish me well, then, or are you praying I'll be with you soon? Will you relish every scream when my blood starts hitting the floor, or will you turn away, afraid to look, the moment you've been waiting for too awful to look at, even for my sins? Sit back and enjoy the show.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

John Constantine, you have been found guilty of first degree cold hearted bastardy. Of being a twisted, evil frigger who sneaks and creeps his way out of trouble that those less privileged have no defense against.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

This is where we started it and this is where it'll finish. This is the killing ground where I take my revenge -- just as soon as I work out exactly how.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Christ, what a bloody awful mess!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Les, did I do something awful today? Y'know, like push a cripple down a flight of stairs 'er poison some poor dog?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

A clock that can forecast the future. What a load a bollocks. I mean, no matter what you do, it's the same for everyone. Ya get a dreary job, ya fall in love, ya have some kids, ya fall out a love, ya lose ya hair, ya get soft... it's ****ing depressing, so I'll have none of it!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Disaster's snapping at my heels and it's time that I was somewhere far away. It's all up to me again, ennit? Somehow, I've got to stay ahead and get some news aces up my sleeve. But right now, all I really need's a smoke.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Heroic bloody Captain goes down with his ship, eh? You selfish, spineless git! What right have you got to just down tools and quit?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I shouldn't go looking for trouble anymore. I should... fall in love with a beautiful Irish woman and work tirelessly to get her into bed... heh...

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

It's not easy with Kit. I can't just ask her out, 'cause she makes me feel like some spotty bastard teenager. I need her to know for certain, right before the very first kiss... And I'm being followed by a ghost, which doesn't exactly help matters.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

The rest of them might be content to spend their time fighting the Crimson Dongbiter or whoever, but I wanted to do something worthwhile.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Look, the Sandman's a fairy story you tell kids to get them off to sleep. Sprinkles magic dust in your eyes and brings you... sweet dreams. I'm trying to save the world, Mad Hettie, and you want to tell me fairy stories!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I mean, I'm going to be forty in a couple of years. I can't go on pissing about with magic and stuff forever. Might be time I wised up a bit...

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

The Tate Club told me to go !@#$ myself. Why should I stick my neck out for that bunch of self-important tossers?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

We have to turn inwards. Enter the siege perilous-- and wrestle. It's not those grotesque, tired institutions of heaven and hell that are the problem-- it's the devils we know.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Jesus, we're all bloody doomed, aren't we? The entire species is flying off to Hell for its holidays. Somebody stop the world. I'm scared and I want to get off.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Anyone who'd launch something like this against a train-load of people has got to be a bad guy.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Can't help it. I always lie to policemen -- it's the way I was brought up. Not that I did much talking -- all I had to do was keep oiling the machinery, and it all came pouring out.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I'm an occultist -- I like to know what's going on behind the scenes. Bad things've been happening to people I like. I think it's going to get worse and I want to do something about it.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Then, like the breaking of a dream, I hear the word again -- howled with the raging breath of fear in the madness on the train. Jallakuntilliokan.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

It's serious magic, Errol. The sort that changes things -- permanently.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

All these writers putting you into their books have blurred the edges more. Now more people think you're a work of fiction than know you as a man.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Someone just walked over my grave.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Hmm. I don't know if I'll get the hang of this survivalist business. I mean, what about washing -- and where's the toilet?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Feel it. That unmistakable thrill of excitement, crackling from groin to pineal gland -- signalling that here is danger, here are dark doings. Ignore it, John. You don't do that kind of shit anymore. You're starting to fit in here -- and it could do you some good. Don't blow it for the sake of a bad day.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

I wonder where I got the idea that it was peaceful in the countryside. It's a bloody war-zone. Slowly but surely, everything's slipping into bad craziness again.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Something here is adding up to a bloody funny number.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You killed them and you owe them something in return. Their flesh for your name, you bastard! Tell them your name!

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

You're a runaway, ain'tcher?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

This is something really nasty.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

It's good to know we have all learned something from life's journey... most of us, anyway.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Here's to the new age, mate... The Age of Magic.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

How did you find me?

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

First rule of magic, son: you rectify your mistakes right after you make them.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)

Better call me Constantine then.

--John Constantine (Vertigo Universe)