"Object Relations": Catwoman stares at the Casanova Canary in its case at the museum and thinks that's "irresistible." She carefully removes the gigantic yellow diamond from its case and climbs up out of the museum, jumping away into the Gotham night.
Appearing in "Object Relations"
- Nathan Kalowski
- Roget Colvin
- Black Cat Security
- "Two-Ham" Sam Gioloni
- The Casanova Canary
- Catwoman's Whip
Synopsis for "Object Relations"
Catwoman stares at the Casanova Canary in its case at the museum and thinks that's "irresistible." She carefully removes the gigantic yellow diamond from its case and climbs up out of the museum, jumping away into the Gotham night.
The next day, Nathan Kalowski, the security supervisor, scolds Roget Colvin, the museum's curator and acquisitions supervisor for the gem collection. He warned him that this would happen. Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Harvey Bullock and Kevin Soong, here to investigate the theft.
Kalowski leaves to open up the museum, and Colvin tells Bullock and Soong that the Casanova Canary was worth twenty million dollars and insured for fifteen million dollars. But in truth, the diamond is completely irreplaceable.
Selina wakes up in her apartment and greets first her cats, then the diamond. She has soured on the diamond while she slept, however. It isn't the diamond's fault, but it was too attainable. The museum was almost asking to have the diamond taken away from them with how lax its security was, but if they were forced to care for the diamond...
Selina returns to the museum in disguise. A woman and her son, who is interested in crime solving, approach a police officer on duty and ask what happened. He explains how the Casanova Canary was stolen and they suspect Catwoman, but when he turns around to gesture towards the crime scene, he finds the diamond right there in its case. He calls it in, bewildered. "Um... if the, you know, diamond were to, like... reappear... uh, that'd be a good thing, right?" he asks.
Selina goes to browse in a jewelry shop nearby, thinking that if the Casanova Canary were her diamond, she'd take much better care of it than the museum had. Then she remembers that it is her diamond, and that night, she returns to the museum as Catwoman.
She isn't impressed with the security until she reaches the room that holds the Casanova Canary, now lit up by security lasers.
In the morning, they find the diamond missing again. Colvin tells Kalowski that "next time" he wants the security heightened even further, but Kalowski doesn't know there will be a next time. The expense of this security system was too much for them, and there is no telling what Catwoman will do now. He throws up his arms, sending his coffee cup flying... and the Casanova Canary falls down from a broken ceiling tile and lands in Colvin's hands.
Their next security system is from WayneTech Security, but it and the guards they station around the diamond are no match for Catwoman.
She mails the diamond back to Colvin.
The next security system includes a dozen security cameras pointed at every possible entrance to the Casanova Canary's exhibit, but Catwoman sends in a rocket, which sets off the sprinklers and soaking the security system. She doesn't steal it this time, instead leaving a note pinned to the diamond that reads Don't worry-I wouldn't risk him getting wet. Oh-though on second thought, worry hard. I'll be back. It's signed with a cat print.
Kalowski advises Colvin that buying additional security isn't worth it, and they should just let her take it and collect the insurance. Kalowski, however, later overrules Colvin when Two-Ham Sam, a gangster who Catwoman recently cheated out of $60,000 and who has formed "Black Cat Security" with his "associates" to take her down, offers to provide security for the gem.
When Catwoman returns for the Casanova Canary, she is surprised by Two-Ham Sam and his associates, but she is unconcerned that they will be any more of a threat than the museum security guards.
She grows angry when they fire their guns among the valuables in the room, and she is distracted defending them. Two-Ham Sam doesn't care about the museum displays, though. He tells her that all he cares about is killing her. Catwoman acts to defend the displays now, but her beat-down turns more brutal when she realizes the Casanova Canary is missing.
She strip-searches the gangsters and leaves them tied up. Kalowski is furious that the gangsters shot up the museum and lost the diamond anyway, especially since Catwoman doesn't have it and some unknown party does. Colvin sadly says he'll go file the insurance claim while Kalowski handles this situation.
Colvin returns to his office, and he pulls out the paperwork... only for Catwoman, standing in the shadows, to ask, "Looking for this?" He tells her she earned it, but she says he's the one who stole it last. He admits that in the chaos of last night he thought it would be safer if he removed it, but Catwoman wants to know when the insurance policy got raised from fifteen million to forty million dollars.
All of Catwoman's thefts lately have raised the insurance value on the diamond. She comments on how high the premium he pays must be now, and he asks why she cares how much he'll be compensated for his loss.
Catwoman grins and says she has an idea. The museum has a great security system now and a very sweet insurance package. As long as she knows Colvin is suffering miserably for its upkeep, she'll keep her diamond here.
Colvin is distraught. He took out personal loans to cover the insurance premiums, to which Catwoman replies that she knows. She does her research. She likes that it's all on his head, and if she hears that there's been a change in policy or a downgrade in security... Well, she'll leave that to his imagination.
"Until next time, darling," she says.
- This book was first published on December 24, 1997.
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