Fables Vol 1 26

"The Battle of Fabletown"

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August, 2004

The Battle of Fabletown

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Obey me, woman, or you'll discover just how much shit I can unleash on Fabletown citizens who piss me off!

— Snow White

Fables #26 is an issue of the series Fables (Volume 1) with a cover date of August, 2004. It was published on June 9, 2004.

Synopsis for "The Battle of Fabletown"

The army of Wooden Soldiers reach Fabletown. The Fables start firing off their guns from behind the barriers, though the bullets don't seem to have much effect. Snow watches from the Woodlands balcony with Flycatcher, who relays her orders through a walkie-talkie to Prince Charming. It isn't long before the barriers fall and Bullfinch Street is overrun by the wooden army. Prince Charming pulls everyone back. Snow waits until every last enemy soldier has stepped onto their turf, so as to keep the Mundys from noticing any more than they already have, then she gives the go ahead to the grenadiers. The flying Farm animals unload their payload on the mass of black suits and wooden limbs below, softening them up, but not enough to stop their advance. Next, Snow White calls in Fabletown's big brawlers, like Hobbes in his goblin form, and Weyland Smith. Even Boy Blue, though small in size, jumps in the fray wielding the powerful Vorpal Blade. Meanwhile, the other Fables retreat to the Woodland courtyard. The soldiers who aren't currently engaged follow after them. But when they got close, the sandbags around the front gate are pulled away to reveal a set of large cannons pointed in their direction.

Weyland Smith ducks the splintered remains flying overhead. As the dust settles, Weyland triumphantly gloats to the "toy soldiers" that they don't have any fight left in them. They respond by shooting him several times in the back. Boy Blue starts to call for a medic, when a bullet pierces through his chest.

Inside, Dr. Swineheart has converted the Woodlands main office into a hospital for those who have been wounded in the fight. Off to the side is a makeshift mortuary for Fables that have fallen in battle. Pinocchio demands to be let outside, but Jack Horner holds him back.

As soon as the heavy fighters start to lose their ground, Snow orders the car horn to be sounded. The signal is for the big guys to retreat so that Clara the Raven can do her stuff. Not all manage to make it safely, as Papa and Mama bear see their son, Boo, get gunned down as he tries to clear the street. Up above, Clara unleashes her flames down on the surprised invaders. Their wood bodies catch fire quickly as they realize the fate that has befallen them. Pinocchio looks on as the soldiers are set ablaze and immediately panics. He yells at Jack to warn Snow White what she's done. For he knows better than any of them that, yes, wood burns, but not quickly. All she did was create a self-aware walking inferno.

Out in the middle of the blaze, the soldier army decide that though they're irrevocably doomed, it would be fun to at least take as many "meatheads" with them as they can. Pinocchio rushes outside to try and stop the chaos, hoping the wooden soldiers will recognize him and stop attacking. His head is sliced off by a soldier's axe. Unable to see barely anything through their own flaming bodies, the soldiers carry on, believing it was just another foolish meathead they had dispatched.

Snow watches it all from the balcony. She picks up the phone and dials in to the 13th Floor, ordering the witches to make it rain. Frau Totenkinder argues that Snow's instructions are for them to concentrate on making the fight unnoticeable by Mundys. Snow yells that rain will keep Mundys inside and out of their business. In not so polite words, she tells Frau to obey her or there will be trouble.

While the other witches perform the spell, Frau steals herself away to "teach an impudent woman a well-deserved lesson".

The rest of the Fables fight with fire-hoses to try and put out the flaming soldiers. The battle seems to be lost. Then, a gust of wind starts to pick up, getting stronger and stronger until it becomes like a small hurricane, blowing the flames out and sending the soldiers away into a heap of broken parts. The Fables come out from cover as the wind dies back down again. Bigby Wolf, in his giant wolf form, greets them.