"Bad Toy": Having forgotten to get many of her numerous pets spayed or neutered, Harley Quinn now has several litters of kittens and puppies to dispose of. Naturally, given that it's the holidays, Harley decides to gather them all up in a sack and distribu
- Mmmm, spiked eggnog. It's like the cream a' Christmas in a spoon!
- -- Harley Quinn
Appearing in "Bad Toy"
- Big Tony
Synopsis for "Bad Toy"
Having forgotten to get many of her numerous pets spayed or neutered, Harley Quinn now has several litters of kittens and puppies to dispose of. Naturally, given that it's the holidays, Harley decides to gather them all up in a sack and distribute them as gifts - much as she'd like to keep them. Big Tony comes up with the clever plan to go to the mall and sneak the pets into packages and shopping bags, so that nobody has a choice about whether to take the animals. That, he thinks, is at least a better plan than taking them to a shelter.
Advertising that they will help carry people's packages to their vehicles, the pair begin sneaking kittens and puppies into bags as customers share their life stories. When Harley meets one who seems to hate animals, she decides to withhold her kitten, and sneak him some dynamite instead. Despite getting rid of all of the baby animals, Harley is heart-broken over having to give up a little pug who seemed attached to her. Tony reminds that they still have more than a hundred pets waiting at home, and she'd have to let him go. She decides to walk rather than drive back with Tony, so that she can process her emotions. Instead, she breaks into the local police station and forces an officer to get her the address of the person she gave the pug to, using her license plate.
Unfortunately, the woman lives in Queens, and knowing she'll need a car to get there from Brooklyn, she steals a hummer - as punishment to the owner for owning it. With the help of an unhinged homeless woman, Harley navigates her way to Queens, and lets the lady have the hummer. When she sees the nice house her pug has ended up at, she wonders if it might be safe to just let him be - but she can't help but check on him. She finds him under the Christmas tree, with a bow 'round his neck. and decides that she wants a bow of her own - which she swipes from one of the many presents. Enamoured by all the decorations, Harley avails herself of some eggnog and falls asleep under the tree.
When morning comes, little Cindy wakes up and drags her parents out of bed, warning that if she doesn't get everything she wanted, she will scream. When she sees Harley and the pug sleeping on the floor, she is filled with glee, despite her parents' confusion. After prying Cindy away, her father takes Harley aside and demands to know what she's doing there. When Harley explains her puppy situation and her intention to leave, he begs her to stay to keep his daughter from going nuts, promising to pay anything she wants. There's a catch, however: she won't be able to leave unless she can prove she's a very bad toy.
Once reunited with Cindy, Harley suggests they open the other presents, and Cindy begins kicking and stomping on them, explaining that she prefers to open them that way. Harley joins in, and admits that it is fun. Cindy then suggests they light the tree on fire, but Harley suggests they eat all of the candy canes in the house instead. They eat so much candy that they both throw up pink vomit onto themselves, and laugh uproariously. When it is announced that dinner is ready - Turducken - the girls throw up again.
After a bubble bath and a round of laundry, Harley wonders what Cindy's parents did that made her so angry at them. Cindy explains that her real mother was hit by a bus on Christmas day a few years ago when she was returning a tie Cindy's dad didn't like. Her Aunt Linda moved in with them to look after her after the funeral. Cindy explains that she's not mad at Linda, but she's mad at her dad for making a fuss about the tie, and causing her mom's death. She blames Santa Claus for failing to get the right tie. Now she hates Christmas, and behaves badly as a result.
Harley confesses that she's not a Christmas present, and Cindy admits that she knows as much. So, Harley decides to solve the problems between the girl and her father. She is, after all, a psychiatrist. She reminds that it was an accident. Cindy's dad wasn't driving the bus, and he might be hurting just as much as she is over the loss. He spoils her because he feels guilty. Sometimes, things just happen for no reason, and the trauma they both suffered as a result has caused lasting damage to their psychological developments. They have to learn to forgive each other - and what better day to do it than Christmas? Cindy admits that she does love her father, and she knows he misses her mom. She wants things to be like they were before. Harley suggests that even if they can't solve everything with a year's worth of therapy in one day, she has a plan.
From the dinner table, Cindy's dad and aunt hear the sound of arguing between her and Harley. Secretly grinning, Cindy and Harley are faking it for their benefit - until Harley begins making threats with an axe, chasing the little girl around the house. Valiantly, Cindy's father leaps into action and knocks Harley aside, prompting Cindy to give him the axe. He warns Harley to get out of the house, and escorts her to the door with the axe in hand, as he promises to protect his little girl at any cost. At the door, he grins and gives Harley the money he promised, thanking her for the good job. Outside, Harley hears Cindy call from her window, and she promises that they will be a happy family. Harley makes the girl promise to take good care of the pug in turn, threatening to come for her with an axe for real if she doesn't.
At last, Harley returns home to her loft, and is surprised to find all of her friends gathered for a holiday party.
Appearing in "Get Yer Cheer Outta My Ear"
Synopsis for "Get Yer Cheer Outta My Ear"
While out Christmas shopping, Harley Quinn feels something inside her ear, and the sound of someone humming "Jingle Bells" next to her ear drum makes her lose her composure in public. Troubled by her activities, a bystander calls a policeman, whom Harley clings to, begging for help. Unfortunately, he can't hear what she hears either, and she is driven to further distraction when the humming gets louder, and changes tunes. In a desperate attempt to get the noise out of her head, she begins slamming it in the elevator door of a department store. She moves on, making her way to the store's Santa display, shoving kids aside to get her one wish to have the sound stopped granted by the jolly old elf.
Fortunately, Santa thinks he can help, as he lays Harley across his lap, licks the bottom of a candy cane, and shoves it into her ear. Gleefully, the little creature inside takes a big bite on the candy, and Santa is able to pull it out along with it. He explains that this is a humbug. The hum no-stop for ten days, and the only way to stop them is with candy canes. Happily, Harley thanks him with a hug, and, having agreed to stay on Santa's nice list all year, bargains her way down to just buying him dinner later.
Later, at the kosher deli - the only place open on Christmas Eve - Harley, Santa, and the humbug wish everyone Shalom and Chag Sameach.
Appearing in "K!llin' T!me"
- Hurl Girl (On a poster)
- Lillian Tyme
- Harold Tyme
Synopsis for "K!llin' T!me"
On New Year's Eve, Harley Quinn discovers with horror that she's got herself a gray hair. Big Tony suggests that she should blame it on Father Time - whom Harley is not familiar with. He explains that Father Time ushers in every new year, symbolizing the forward movement of time. He stands to welcome the New Year's Baby, and the cycle starts over. Interested, Harley muses that if Father Time can't roll out the red carpet for the New Year's Baby, she won't age.
The name of Father Time is familiar to Harley, and she sifts through her files from the Assisted Living home she works at, locating that of a Harold Tyme - who she believes will die soon, causing time to pass. With less than six hours to go before the change-over, Harley gets on her winter garb, and fashions herself a dog-sled to get to the home in a hurry.
After a brief encounter with an adorable baby named Lillian in the hallway, Harley violently bursts into Harold Tyme's room, where the old man insists that she has the wrong guy. She is surprised when Lillian's parents rush in to rescue him, apparently Harold's grandson and wife - which makes Lillian the New Year's Baby. Angrily, Harold's son reminds that his last name is T-Y-M-E - not "time" - and his daughter is not the New Year's Baby. The whole thing is a metaphor. Time can't be stopped. This fills Harley with dread at the realization that she can do absolutely nothing to stop her aging. From his bed, Harold explains that time is gift, and it's what we make of it that counts. Growing old is a blessing for him, as he gets to see his grandson bring a little daughter into the world.
In that moment, baby Lillian yanks the gray hair right out of Harley's scalp. Gratefully, Harley assumes the baby turned back time, and declares all of the Tymes part of her own family, hugging Grandpa Tyme, and saying her goodbyes. In the hall, she calls out to her dogs, but can't find any of them. One of the nurses explains that the animals all found rooms to sleep in, comforting the elderly patients. Tearfully, Harley waves goodbye to the animals, for now, and marches out into the snowy street, declaring that this will be the best New Years ever.
- This book was first published on December 10, 2014.
- No special notes.
- The mall Tony drives Harley to is called "Dini's" after Harley Quinn creator Paul Dini.
- In "K!llin' T!me", Harley's winter attire resembles her costume prior to her New 52 redesign.
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