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"There Are No Rules!": Mario is leaving Harley Quinn's building to move in with his new girlfriend, and Big Tony is sorry to see him go. However, he is eager to collect double the rent from the next sucker to take his apartment.


Quote1 Nice to meet'cha too. Anyone ever tell you your breath stinks of cheese farts? Quote2
-- Harley Quinn



Appearing in "There Are No Rules!"

Featured Characters:

Supporting Characters:

Antagonists:

  • Connie Canal Street
  • Maria Monsterella, the Massapequa Murderer

Other Characters:

Locations:

Items:


Vehicles:




Synopsis for "There Are No Rules!"

Mario is leaving Harley Quinn's building to move in with his new girlfriend, and Big Tony is sorry to see him go. However, he is eager to collect double the rent from the next sucker to take his apartment.

Having arrived at Skate Club, Harley learns that this roller derby has no rules, while Sy Borgman places a bet on her with good odds. Soon, the rest of the Brooklyn Bruisers arrive, and everyone gets suited up for an anything goes brawl on roller-skates.

Skye Scrapper is up first, facing off against a Connie Canal Street - whom Harley notes looks a lot like a man. Summer Daze responds that anyone on wheels is allowed to compete in Skate Club, which gives Sy some ideas. Skye goes down quickly, but she manages to get back to her feet. In the meantime, though, her opponent grabs a bat and swings it at her violently. Carefully, Skye dodges the swipes, and grabs Connie by the chest hair, sending him careening into a post, balls-first. Skye is declared the winner, amid fanfare.

Harley's up next against an opponent with a perfect record of wins. Sy recommends that she fight as dirty as possible, and go for the kill. Her opponent is Maria Monsterella, the Massapequa Murderer - and a practical giantess of a woman. Seeing her, the rest of the team begin to mourn the loss of Harley before she's even hit the ground. Maria grabs Harley up by her head and dropkicks her across the rink.

Harley begins to see stars, and from those stars, forms a galaxy far far away. In that galaxy, she sees aliens in battle with a great threat, and they release a creature with a mighty fist to counter it. Though it is successful, it turns on them.

Maria tosses Harley's limp body into Sy's wheelchair, and he grumpily regains his composure and dumps a bottle of water out on Harley's head to wake her up. He offers her a tube of explosive toothpaste to use, though he can't imagine how she'll use it. Despite her recovery, Maria is already being declared the winner, and Harley interrupts to take a whack at Maria's kneecaps with a stick. Maria barely notices, so Harley squeezes a gob of toothpaste out onto Maria's exposed stomach and begins rubbing it in, trying to make it explode - much to Maria's confused amusement. Sy shouts that she needs to rub like a toothbrush, not in circles, as Maria's patience wears thin. Finally, the explosion occurs, ripping Maria in half. Unfortunately, the match is disqualified on account of the fact that the match had already been over when she killed her opponent.

After the match, everyone goes out for dinner and Summer reminds that since it was Harley's first time, she is still welcome back at Skate Club. Still Harley is disappointed, and promises to make up for Sy's lost bets. Fortunately, Skye's earlier win - and the fact that she bet against Harley - means she can pay for their meals. As Harley struggles to pack Sy's wheelchair into the back of his van after dinner, a handsome stranger offers to help. He introduces himself as Mason and Harley is practically swooning over him. However, while she wishes Sy a goodnight and sees him off, Mason slips away, apparently spooked by a cop car passing by. Harley is disappointed by his disappearance, but Summer suggests that they can cheer up by going night-swimming.

They're all a little nervous about going in - especially without bathing suits. Harley, of course, is the first to lose her undies and prance into the water in the nude. Succumbing to peer pressure, the other soon follow her. Tanya in particular is worried about sharks, and when she feels something nipping at her butt, she is enraged to learn that it was Harley, teasing her. Soon, they are all playfully swimming away from her to avoid getting bitten as well. Despite the teeth-marks, they all have fun, and soon they're getting dressed and getting ready to go home. Harley stays behind to watch the sunrise, and appreciates the night sky while she can. However, she is startled by a shooting star that appears to be getting closer and closer.

It crashes suddenly at her feet, knocking her to the ground, and when she gets to her feet, she peers into the crater and is surprised to see Power Girl lying in it.



Notes

  • This book was first published on August 27, 2014.
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