"The Great Mailroom Slaughter of 1994": Postman Cliff greets Al and Darlene as they once again re-open the Diner. Al frowns at the letter he's handed from his insurance company, and can't believe his eyes when he reads that his i
- Straw that broke th' camel's back, huh? 'Tell ya, they don't make postal workers like they used ta!
- — Lobo
Synopsis for "The Great Mailroom Slaughter of 1994"
Postman Cliff greets Al and Darlene as they once again re-open the Diner. Al frowns at the letter he's handed from his insurance company, and can't believe his eyes when he reads that his insurance premiums have increased one thousand percent! In dire need of income, he advertises a room for rent in his window.
Nearby, Lobo swerves out of his way to wolf-whistle two vivacious space babes, and distracted, smashes his hawg into an oncoming postal truck. With his prized transportation in pieces, Lobo blames Postman Cliff for the crash and causes him equal amounts of damage in return.
Hauling the remains of his bike in a wheelbarrow to a repair shop, Lobo is less than impressed with the ten thousand credit price estimate Ed quotes. The owner tells him to fix it himself if he doesn't like cost, so Lobo takes Ed's advice, after cracking him over the head with a wrench. Wheeling his wreck down the street, Lobo realises he's grounded on Space City Robinson and needs a place to fix his bike.
Al's Diner is packed and doing great business when Lobo enters, brandishing a "room for rent" flier. Al does his best to downplay the crummy back room but Lobo decides it's just right location for his repairs. He moves in immediately, without paying, and sends away for all the parts he needs, C.O.D. With mail order in hand, he meets the new postman, Pat, at the mailbox he's just cleared. Lobo tries to give him the urgent letter but Pat refuses, saying it will be picked up when he clears the box tomorrow. Lobo insists he take it now, shoving it in Pat's face and slugging him to reinforce the point.
Lobo passes the next five days drinking Lug beer until Pat returns, struggling to lift the enormous delivery. Lobo flicks an empty beer can on top which proves too much for poor Pat and he collapses under the weight. Once 'Bo claims his package, the suffering civil servant hands Darlene a letter, which causes her to cry upon reading it. 'Bo punches Pat for upsetting her and is then dismayed to open his package, an assembly kit for a children's play set, which he crushes the delivery man with again. Pat hobbles off with the wrong box, Dawg in pursuit, while Al takes a look at the letter Darlene was sent. He reads the sleazy anonymous letter aloud to Lobo, who agrees with the sentiments, until Darlene rebukes him for his chauvinistic insensitivity. Postman Pat returns the incorrect item to the sorting room and asks his Superintendent to take him off his run, but is refused.
A week later, Al receives more bills, Darlene another obscene letter, and Lobo, the correct parcel. When Pat asks Lobo for the C.O.D. payment he gets a kick up the backside instead. Pat returns to the post office and pleads with his Superintendent to give him any other route but Lobo's. The Superintendent looks up from his smutty letter writing and tells Pat to toughen up, while all the other posties tease him on his way out.
The Diner patrons complain about the deafening clanging emanating from the back room until Lobo's spacehog is finally rebuilt, and test driven straight through the wall. Lobo's excitement is short lived, as after only a few metres, the engine splutters and explodes. Pat enters the charred restaurant to give Lobo an urgent letter pertaining to a defective part that was sent to him. Pat foolishly then explains that the envelope has no stamp, and Lobo owes him one credit fifty.
After violently "stamping" Pat into the ground, Lobo drags him to his superior to make a formal complaint. Before the Superintendent addresses Lobo's grievance, he informs Pat that a parcel has arrived for him, which he leaves to collect, babbling to himself. As the Superintendent fills out the complaint form, Lobo recognises the handwriting as the same creep who's been harassing Darlene, but before he barely get his hands on him, Pat storms into the room with the assault weapons he ordered and fires indiscriminately into the crowd. 'Bo uses the sordid Super as a human shield then makes a call to Bunsen's Bounty, asking if there is a reward going. When they predict a ten thousand credit reward and a bonus from the Postal Workers Union, Lobo doesn't hesitate in plugging the postal Pat through the chest.
Appearing in "The Great Mailroom Slaughter of 1994"
- Postman Pat (Only appearance; dies)
- Postman Cliff (Single appearance)
- Superintendent (Only appearance; dies)
- Ed (Single appearance)
- Sector Q
- Lug Beer
- Lobo's Spacehog (Destroyed)
- Sector Postal Service Truck
- Al and Darlene mention this is the third time they've re-opened and served people, but they were operating at a profit in Lobo (Volume 2) #10.
- The galactic zip code for Space Station Robinson is D7423/P687-1569E7D.
- In the Sorting Dept. there is a private bag for the Lobo lettercol, Izzatso!
- On the wall above the Superintendent is a list of reasons not to be slow; Rain. Sleet. Snow. Gloom. Night. Mom. Lobo. Stuck beneath that is a note saying, "Reasons not to be late... Bad Dan."
- The name "Postman Pat" is a clear homage to the children's television character.