Yer knight in shinin' armor, babe! Saved yer life, Darl. Now if that ain't worth a little hanky-panky --! 
- — Lobo
Lobo (Volume 2) #29 is an issue of the series Lobo (Volume 2) with a cover date of July, 1996.
Synopsis for "The Heiress, Part 2: New Testament"
Lobo and Darlene rocket down the wrong side of a one-way highway on Lobo's hawg, headed for the spaceport. Due to Slam City's strict airspace rules they are obliged to travel commercially, summoned by a letter from the law firm of Sue, Grabcash & B'Damt requesting her attendance at the reading of her late uncle Jasper's will. After another lecherous remark from her bodyguard, Darlene asks Lobo to drop the innuendo, even offering to pay him more to drop the smut altogether. Lobo counters by saying he'll decrease his rate if he can increase the sexual innuendo. 'Bo changes the subject to the inheritance, asking why she never mentioned a rich uncle before. Darlene replies that she didn't know. She thought he had died along with the rest of her family in the "big kitchen disaster" when she was a child.
Up ahead, an ambush awaits the travellers. A lookout identifies Darlene and two armed thugs try to stop them. Lobo simply runs them down but is knocked off his bike from above and his passenger kidnapped. Two attackers manage to get a few cheap shots in before Lobo brutally despatches them. He takes aim and shoots the brain out of the goon carrying his employer, casually catching her in his arms. Lobo tries his luck for saving her life but is rebuffed. He identifies the assailants as slam-dunkers, workers breed specifically to work in Slam City, and deduces someone doesn't want the heiress to show up.
Arriving at the spaceport, Lobo skips the queues by ploughing through them on his spacehog before he checks it in with cargo. As soon as the Slam City Shuttle takes off, Lobo's cigar causes and irritated passenger to tap on his shoulder, demanding he follow the no smoking rule. Lobo obliges and extinguishes it on the man's hand, who turns out to be the obnoxious lawyer he injured outside Al's Diner. He causes more trouble when the stewardess closes his blinds against his wishes, so he opens them again, smashing the button. She continues to explain they're reaching the Black Hole Rims and they need to avert their eyes.
Over the speaker, the Captain points out Slam City, an artificial satellite precariously situated next to the Dizzney Black Hole, which is harvested for energy that supplies most of the galactic sector's power. He explains how the many massive turbines keep the city in place, constantly wrestling with the black hole's pull.
Lobo spots an approaching ship. A gang of space pirates board the shuttle and blow the Captain's head off, taking over the ship. At first Lobo isn't concerned by the hijackers, until they take a wrench to his skull and whisk Darlene away. The slam-dunker mercenaries hold off on shooting their target so as to not risk depressurising the cabin. Lobo, on the other hand, has no qualms about shooting them all with expert marksmanship. The last man standing with a blade to Darlene's throat tells 'Bo to back off, but Lobo negotiates, telling him that if she dies, he'll spend a month slowly removing parts of him to eat. He continues by offering him five million credits, diamonds, and lifetime tickets to the Met games if he releases her. Sweating and distracted, the slam-dunker takes a hook to the head, and Lobo interrogates him about his employer. The hired killer swears it was an anonymous job, so Lobo stuffs the thug's mouth full of frag grenades and boots him out the airlock. The Main Man takes over as pilot, launching away from the explosion and onward to their destination.
Once grounded and on Lobo's hawg once more, Darlene wonders way it's called "Slam City." As if on cue, and resounding "SLAM" reverberates from the distance, another great turbine engine replacing the previous. Lobo explains that there's so much stress put on keeping the city in place, they burn out every few hours. Three men wolf whistle and catcall towards Darlene and Lobo asks if she finds it complementary of insulting. Her reply to the latter earns the men a lash of his chain.
They park outside the Grabcash Building and met Jasper's attorney, Hiram Grabcash, who then introduces her to her relatives. The two sons, Hank and Bean, are openly resentful of Darlene, but the curvaceous daughter Zulya welcomes her cheerfully. Jasper's mother, Hagula, spits venom at the interloper, hissing that she's hired a lawyer to contest the will. Hagula's lawyer enters, turning out to be none other than Lobo's victim.
Hiram proceeds with the reading of the damning will of Jasper Koontz, which leaves nothing to his worthless sons or his spiteful mother and to his daughter, the family home and an allowance of one hundred credits a week, encouraging her to find a job of her own. To his long lost niece Darlene he bequeaths his entire estate, with an estimated value of one trillion credits, a number Darlene hasn't even heard of. Lobo asks what daddy did to amass so much money, and Bean resentfully calls him a crime boss, to which Hiram adds, "alleged." Darlene's relatives skulk out of the office, except for Zuyla who waves a feminine goodbye. Lobo trips Hagula's lawyer on his way out and warns Darlene that anyone of them could have made the hit on her, followed by asking what she's going to spend her trillion creds on. Before she can answer, Hiram interjects, explaining that the money is all tied up in property. All of Slam City to be precise.
In a lofty penthouse Hiram gathers the crime bosses of Slam City together to introduce their new "capo di capo," Ms. Darlene Spritzer.
Appearing in "The Heiress, Part 2: New Testament"
Featured Characters:
Supporting Characters:
- Hiram Grabcash (First appearance)
- Hank Koontz (First appearance)
- Bean Koontz (First appearance)
- Zulya Koontz (First appearance)
- Hagula Koontz (First appearance)
Antagonists:
- Slam-Dunker Goons (First appearance; dies)
Other Characters:
- I.M.A. Chiseler
- Jasper Koontz (Deceased; mentioned only)
Locations:
- ____es Digit Memorial Spaceport
- Dizzney Black Hole
- Slam City
- God's Little Acre
- Grabca$h Building
- Law Firm of Sue, Grabcash & B'Damt
- Grabca$h Building
- Penthouse
- God's Little Acre
- Slam City
- Antares 4 (Mentioned only)
Vehicles:
- Lobo's Spacehog
- Slam City Shuttle
Notes
- First appearance of Darlene's surname.
Trivia
- The in-flight movie on the Slam City Shuttle is a romantic comedy titled, Killpigwar.
- Bean Koontz is a gag referring to the author, Dean Koontz.
See Also