"Last Tango in Buenos Aires": A musician takes his guitar from its case as he begins his ballad of Lobo, and the only woman the heartless, cold-blooded killer ever felt true love for.
- No babe gives th' Main Man th' chump-dump -- 'specially not one I've broke my golden rule fer, an' fell in fraggin' love with! She's comin' home with me, or th' Moon's a balloon an' my middle name ain't sex-meister!
- — Lobo
Synopsis for "Last Tango in Buenos Aires"
A musician takes his guitar from its case as he begins his ballad of Lobo, and the only woman the heartless, cold-blooded killer ever felt true love for.
Angry with himself for breaking his own rule not to fall in love, and humiliated that she left him for another man, Lobo arrives in Buenos Aires from far across the galaxy. He speeds through the busy streets on his hawg causing collisions in his wake to get some closure with the one that broke his heart.
The sensually beautiful Perfidia, serving at a corner bar, approaches a sullen patron with his head buried morosely into his folded arms. She playfully inquires why the gentleman is all alone on such a lovely day, and the Main Man lifts his head, wet with tears, responding that he was dumped. Perfidia is not pleasantly surprised to see Lobo. She rebuffs his insistence that he can't live without her, claiming he simply can't find anyone to serve, cook, or make love to him like she can. Lobo agrees, implying that's what real love is. He brushes her cheek with his hand, reigniting their passion, and the two lock in taught embrace and tango through the square. Swept up in a steamy, amorous world of their own, they dance through the streets oblivious to their surroundings, creating accidents wherever they go.
Not far away, at the Museo de Armas y Explosivos Evil, the guards posted outside are violently murdered by the Gaucho Gang who kick in the door and load up the smorgasbord of armaments. Despite the police surrounding the entrance, the Gaucho Gang walks straight out, warning the officers not to shoot any of the volatile weapons they carry. Having no restrictions themselves, they fire mercilessly into the blockade and make their getaway.
Meanwhile, the dancing duo tango their way into the River Plate Stadium where a heated game of football is under way. The score is tied with seconds left on the clock as Alcatena drives the ball furiously down the field and clears the goalkeeper. He launches a perfectly centred kick at point blank range which is blocked by Lobo's back as he leads his sultry partner past the goal. The spectators gasp bug-eyed with incensed incredulity before murderously rioting.
As the sun falls over the Obelisk, the Gaucho Gang rendezvous with the shady Johnny José to collect payment for the explosives they stole. The clandestine gathering is interrupted when a hot-blooded Czarnian recognises Johnny as the sleaze ball who stole Perfidia away from him. The two macho rivals remove their shirts and square off with daggers in a duel of honour. Johnny manages to draw first blood, but Lobo ends it with one blow, driving his dagger through the back of Johnny's skull.
Lobo adds insult to injury by gutting his opponent, only to discover that Johnny is really an alien insectoid in disguise. A giant flea bursts from the human husk and Perfidia cries over Johnny's corpse. It was his "alienness" that she fell in love with, claiming he had promised to take care of her after the invasion.
Vile alien crafts emerge over the city, one of them anchoring itself to the apex of the Obelisk. The invading insects race down the long stairway to claim the stolen weapons they require to conquer humanity. One of the Gauchos demands Lobo leave so they can claim payment, but the Main Man runs him through with his dagger, causing the criminal to let off a shot in shock. Lobo turns to see his beloved Perfidia clenching her stomach in pain and cradles her in his arms as she dies.
Distraught, the bereaved madman arms himself to assuage some of his grief. The remaining two Gauchos flee into the Obelisk, coming face to face with the invaders carrying the multitude of bombs. They warn Lobo not to shoot in case he hits the stockpile, but are instead shot from behind by the impatient aliens. Lobo has no qualms about hitting the explosives, and fires indiscriminately into the insect hoards. The resulting conflagration at the base of the tower brings the monument crashing down, dragging the attached spaceship with it. The craft, which is fuelled by nuclear sulphuric acid, erupts in a catastrophic blast that engulfs the entire city, reducing Lobo and its inhabitants to bones.
Appearing in "Last Tango in Buenos Aires"
- Lobo (Apparent Death)
- Musician (Narrator; only appearance; unnamed; dies)
- Perfidia (Only appearance; dies)
- The Gaucho Gang (Only appearance; all die)
- Vile Aliens (Only appearance; all die)
- Johnny José (Only appearance; dies)
- Alcatena (Only appearance; presumably dies)
- Memfiz (Mentioned only)
- Lobo's Spacehog
- Vile Alien Crafts (Destroyed)
- The football star referred to as "Alcatena" may be an homage to Argentinian artist Enrique Alcatena.