"New Man on the Kill Crew": As dawn is breaking, three roadworkers set up their equipment in the middle of the street and start digging. About a metre into the ground, the young Duckweed starts complaining that he has callouses, and that he's been training to be a social worker, not a constructi
- Your maw asked me to make a man of you -- an' I will if it kills you!
Synopsis for "New Man on the Kill Crew"
As dawn is breaking, three roadworkers set up their equipment in the middle of the street and start digging. About a metre into the ground, the young Duckweed starts complaining that he has callouses, and that he's been training to be a social worker, not a construction worker. Lobo corrects him, telling the boy he's training to be a bounty hunter who's supposed to be incognito, excavating a hole. Duckweed doesn't appreciate the way his uncle's partner is speaking to him, but his uncle Jonas informs him that Lobo is going easy on him. He berates Duckweed back to work, reminding his nephew that he promised his mother he'd make a man out of him.
As they continue digging, a small crowd of pedestrians begins to loiter around the hole. Lobo tells the gawking geeks to frag off, but one smug civilian has the gall to tell him he's not a real construction worker as his butt isn't hanging out. His condescension continues by proclaiming how satisfying it is to watch other people work. Lobo agrees with him, and angrily orders all the bystanders into the hole. Lobo and Jonas light up a cigar while their new reluctant work force toils away.
A slight, stern man with a toothbrush moustache approaches them, introducing himself as F.L. Wright, the Inspector of Building Works. He questions the validity of the work site and, with no sign of any authorisation, explains they could be arrested. Lobo puts a gun to the bureaucrat's head while Jonas hands him a shovel.
All the hard labour is making Lobo thirsty, and Jonas points out a food trailer setting up across the street. As Lobo walks over the cook announces that Al's Diner is open for business. 'Bo grabs him by the shirt and demands to know what the identity thief has done with the real Al. The cook tells him to calm down and shows Lobo the franchise licence, giving him the right to use the name and recipes - not to mention his own Darlene whose real name is Alice. The waitress takes Lobo's order, a six-pack each for Jonas and himself, and a sarsaparilla for Duckweed. The owner also mentions how Al sends out warning notices about a rogue customer who has a habit of destroying diners. Lobo looks at the mugshot and comments on what a good-looking guy he is.
Lobo scans a neighbouring building site with his binoculars and recognises rival bounty hunter, Bandito, and his crew. He assumes Bandito's team is after the same bounty and decides to take out the competition, calling on Duckweed to assist him. 'Bo scales the steel skeleton of the work site, and suggests Bandito move along as he reaches the top. They respond by cracking him over the head with a sledgehammer, before dragging him up onto the platform so they can pummel some him more. Duckweed reaches the top and Lobo cries out for assistance. Bandito and another run over to wallop the kid, allowing Lobo a breather to get the upper hand, sending the competition over the edge.
On the ground, Jonas is trying to explain the gaping hole in the street during the day of the big parade to the police. The officers peer into the pit that's now several metres deep and draw their weapons in suspicion, especially since Jonas doesn't have his butt hanging out. Lobo swings to the rescue from his chain and knocks down the row of cops. He gives the the last conscious officer to Duckweed to finish off, but he doesn't have the nerve to punch a policeman. Lobo demonstrates how easy it is and crack their heads together, before dumping the cop in the hole with the others.
Suddenly, they hear the approaching procession of the bounty target, "Bad Baby", an infant dictator who has systematically crushed democracy around the planet. The Baby's immense battlewagon is serious business, and Lobo calls out the strategy; he'll shoot the support vehicles while Jonas sprays the gun-mounts, and all Duckweed has to do is go straight for the prime target. Duckweed is opposed to killing an infant, but his uncle explains how the brain of Bad Baby's species develops one hundred times than its body, and that the hit on the tyrannical tyke was commissioned by his own mother. Lobo gives the command, and he and Jonas assault the parade with efficient fury, whereas Duckweed freezes up at the innocent appearance of his objective. The delay gives the despotic moppet and opening to counter attack, unleashing the full force of his battlewagon. The trio dives for cover and Lobo pulls the pin of a frag grenade. He attempts to lob it but the intervention of Duckweed throws off his aim. The grenade rolls under the wheel of the battlewagon and the explosion flips the tank onto its side, rolling into the giant hole that's been dug, catching fire.
Duckweed is distraught that his actions may have led to the death of the innocent people at the bottom and the three rush over to the edge. Lobo spots the autocratic rugrat trying to crawl away and fishes the brat out with his hook. Guilt ridden by the carnage, Duckweed climbs into the hole to council the wounded. Jonas tries to stop his nephew but the blazing battlewagon blooms into a thunderous fireball. The wreckage is launched into the air by the explosion, landing on the mobile diner to the owners dismay.
Duckweed's smouldering, decapitated head rolls across the street, and Jonas wonders how he's going to explain this to the boy's mother. Lobo, on the other hand, informs the pint-sized public enemy that his warrant states "dead or alive," but nothing about how he has to die. 'Bo takes the baby over his knee and starts spanking him furiously with his gun.
Appearing in "New Man on the Kill Crew"
- Jonas Glim
- Duckweed (Only appearance; dies)
- Bad Baby (Only appearance; presumably dies)
- Bandito (Single appearance)
- "Al" (Single appearance)
- "Darlene" (Alice) (Single appearance)
- F.L. Wright (Only appearance; dies)
- Loiterers (All die)
- Police (All die)
- Al's Diner (Mobile franchisee; destroyed)
- Bad Baby's Battlewagon (Destroyed)
- It is unclear how Jonas had a nephew when he was already portrayed as an only child in Lobo (Volume 2) #41. He presumably either had a step-sibling or "uncle" was just a term of kinship.
- Bad Baby's bodysuit has a swastika on the zipper and a logo of Adolf Hitler. He also has a toy that resembles Hitler.