"The Curse of Tootn-Kamn!": Lobo kicks up dust with his hawg as he approaches a lone fortune teller in the dessert. He stops beside the mystic who offers to read his future for a payment of silver. Lobo punches the seer in the snoot, pointing out how he n
- Ya gotta try it ta deny it, guys! Here, have a shot o' some I rolled -- I mean, confiscated -- earlier!
- — Lobo
Synopsis for "The Curse of Tootn-Kamn!"
Lobo kicks up dust with his hawg as he approaches a lone fortune teller in the dessert. He stops beside the mystic who offers to read his future for a payment of silver. Lobo punches the seer in the snoot, pointing out how he never saw that coming, before speeding off. Tootn-Kamn curses the brute, damning him with evil and destruction for the rest of his life. A hollow threat to someone who already leads, and thrives, on that very life.
As soon as Lobo enters the city of Goodrock, he sees the banners for the Intergalactic Police Convention and wonders if there might be something to the curse after all. He parks outside the Sheriff's Office, the streets littered with out-of-town cops beating and arresting civilians for whatever petty misdemeanour they can spot. Lobo throws his live bounties on the Sheriff's desk, informing the lawman he's claiming the warrant for the Kidd Gang, Billy, Willy and Milly the Kidd. The three miscreants are forced into the already overcrowded jail cell, filled with low level perps the convention attendees have hauled in. The Sheriff pays Lobo the ten thousand credit reward while telling him to leave town, as he doesn't like bounty hunters. The Sheriff fires a warning shot at the passing Sam Hutchins' feet for not picking up his dog's droppings to show he means business. Lobo ignores his advice, explaining the Kidds are only small time bait for the Bigg Boyz who will come looking for them.
Lobo takes his money to the IRN BRU bar to kill time until the Bigg Gang shows up, but the maître d' outside explains the bar is reserved for police only. Aggravated, Lobo notices a burly officer confiscating a rattle from a small child for making too much noise. Lobo ducks into a dark alley and gets the officer's attention as he passes by, knocking him unconscious with the blunt side of his hook, and drags him out of sight. Lobo binds and gags the naked policeman and dons his uniform, taking on the identity on his new badge, Officer Dibble. Lobo has no difficulty entering the bar and downs a six-pack while cops swap stories around him.
The lone, surly "officer" is soon approached by Bob, one of the convention officials, who asks if he's enjoying himself so far. 'Bo doesn't sugar coat the fact that he's bored, inciting Bob to rally everyone over to the Bates Hotel where all the events are taking place. Lobo looks at the schedule and decides he might have some fun after all.
Outside the city, Tootn-Kamn notices five riders in the distance and exclaims he can reveal their future for a small price as they draw close. The Bigg Boyz pay no attention to the fortune teller, and trample him without a second thought. Once more he extends his curse to those who have treated him so poorly, but he is crushed underfoot by a sixth rider lagging behind.
In function room one, Lobo attends the class on Advanced Baton Technique held by Officer Pupp. The bipedal canine speaker asks for a volunteer from the audience, and 'Bo quickly stands up. Pupp confidently hands his fellow "officer" a police tonfa and instructs him to demonstrate his current technique. Lobo double checks to see if Pupp is sure, and with overconfident confirmation, the Main Cop caves in Pupp's skull with one swift blow. The audience applauds Lobo with the deceased Pupp slumped over the bloodied lectern beside him.
Surveying the situation from the high cliffs, the Bigg Boyz remain determined to rescue the Kidd Gang, despite the obvious risks with the convention. In the valley below, they spot six detectives investigating the fresh tracks, who recognise the signs of an ambush a little too late.
In function room two, Rudiguliani gives his lecture on The Evils of Drugs. To get the crowd accustomed to the distinctive odour of a "joint," he passes around a lit "spliff." Upon reaching Lobo, he takes a deep drag to Rudiguliani's dismay. Lobo pulls out a handful of rolled jays he "confiscated" earlier and passes them around the room, claiming they have to try it before they deny it.
Dressed as cops, the Bigg Boyz enter town in disguise and head straight for the Kidd Gang in jail.
In function room three, Officer McGuyver introduces his latest law enforcement hardware in the Battling Crime the Hi-Tech Way seminar. After McGuyver goes over the features of the Scorpio assault vehicle to a gathering of giggling, stoned police, Lobo decides to commandeer the inventor's machine during the demonstration.
The Goodrock Sheriff is interrupted from his Naked Law Babes magazine to answer the door, only to be knocked out by the Bigg Boyz.
As Lobo crashes through the wall in the Scorpio weapon, Officer Dibble, standing in his underwear, points out the perpetrator who stole his uniform. The police open fire, but have little effect on the titanium body of the Scorpio he's piloting. The on-board computer picks up a crime in progress and the Scorpio barrels through the line of cops.
One of the Bigg Boyz bends open the jail bars with his bare hands and releases the the Kidd Gang, but as soon as they attempt to leave the Sheriff's Office, the find themselves facing Lobo in the highly armed battle suit. The Scorpio unloads a relentless salvo, tearing some of the outlaws to shreds, while it too takes a barrage of ammunition from the criminals in front and the police behind. The Scorpio begins to sustain damage, and as the computer starts to malfunction, Lobo bails from the cockpit, leaving a bag of frag grenades behind. He dives straight into a member of the Bigg Boyz, embedding his hook into the thug's head. Before he can go after the others, Lobo is thrown backwards by two missiles launched by the autonomous Scorpio. The outlaws retreat back into the Sheriff's Office for cover as the unstoppable machine pursues, trampling the stunned Lobo in the process. The Scorpio rampages through the wall of the jail until one of the Bigg Boyz tackles its leg. The machine loses balance and topples to the ground and the gang member notices the grenades roll out. The hoards of angry police storm the building just before it explodes.
Under an orange sky, Tootn-Kamn calls out to a traveller leaving Goodrock, too late to realise it's Lobo bearing down on him. He runs the poor soothsayer down with his bike and thanks him for the curse.
Appearing in "The Curse of Tootn-Kamn!"
- Tootn-Kamn (Single appearance)
- Officer Dibble (Only appearance; dies)
- The Kidd Family
- Billy (Only appearance; dies)
- Willy (Only appearance; dies)
- Milly (Only appearance; dies)
- The Bigg Boyz (Only appearance; all die)
- Sheriff (Only appearance; dies)
- Sam Hutchens (Single appearance)
- Convention Official, Bob
- Officer Pup (Only appearance; dies)
- Rudiguliani (Single appearance)
- Officer McGuyver (Single appearance)
- Sheriff's Office (Destroyed)
- IRN BRU Bar
- Bates Hotel
- Lobo's Spacehog
- Scorpio M.P. 357 (Destroyed)
- Tootn-Kamn is a sound-a-like of Tutankhamun. The seer has an ancient Egyptian look.
- Officer Dibble is a reference to the character of the same name from Top Cat.
- Rudiguliani is an obvious analogy to Rudy Giuliani who cracked down on drugs during his time as mayor.
- Officer McGuyver is a nod to the title character from the show MacGyver.
- The Bates Hotel is a reference to the Bates Motel from Psycho.
- Lobo Recommended Reading
- Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious (Volume 1)
- Bob, the Galactic Bum (Volume 1)
- Lobo (Volume 1)
- Lobo (Volume 2)
- Lobo: A Contract on Gawd (Volume 1)
- Lobo: Death and Taxes (Volume 1)
- Lobo: Highway to Hell (Volume 1)
- Lobo: Infanticide (Volume 1)
- Lobo/Mask (Volume 1)
- Lobo's Back (Volume 1)
- Lobo: Unamerican Gladiators (Volume 1)
- Lobo Unbound (Volume 1)
- Lobo (One-Shots)