- You know, you shouldn't knock "snappy patter"! It's a handy way for someone like me to keep up a sunny disposition-- when I have to take time out of a busy day to deal with someone like you!
- — Superboy
Superman #381 is an issue of the series Superman (Volume 1) with a cover date of March, 1983.
Synopsis for "Whose Super-Life is it Anyway?"
Superboy, stranded out of his time and trapped in his adult self's body pays a visit to present Smallville. After saving a man -whom he saved from a rattlesnake when he was teenager- and his son from an enraged bear, Superboy goes to the Kent Farm, hoping to talk to his parents. But Clark unexpectedly finds the house empty, and Chief Parker is its caretaker. Mr. Parker brings tears to Clark's eyes when he says he would like to think Jonathan Kent and Martha Kent would be happy with their house's state if they were alive today.
Meanwhile on Metropolis, a biker vandalizes a Superman poster, resentful because the Man of Steel captured all of his gang partners. Harboring revengeful thoughts, the man starts his bike and merges into the traffic. At the same time, a cab is chauffeuring Euphor to the WGBS-TV studios. When the biker passes by the cab, he absorbs some kind of energy given off by Euphor. He is suddenly donning a futuristic armor set, and his vehicle has transformed into a flying bike.
Over Galaxy Communications building, Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane are arguing about Superman's recent unusually cold behavior which makes Lois feel forgotten. Euphor turns up suddenly and offers to take Lois' unhappiness away, but Lois refuses, thinking that isn't the right way to overcome grief, and walks away. Moments later, Euphor is interviewed by Lana Lang, and he absorbs all viewers' unhappiness.
On 344 Clinton Street, though, young Clark Kent isn't watching the news. He's engrossed in mourning his parents when he listens to an emergency. The disgruntled biker is going on a rampage in the Metropolis Park and blasting every Superman statue to rubble. He's shouting he just wishes the real Superman was there, when Superboy turns up. The biker shoots his bike's laser beam and it bounces off Superman's chest harmlessly. Superboy captures him, but the man and his bike revert to normal all of sudden. Superboy believes the man when he says he doesn't know why he was turned into a futuristic rider right when he was wishing for a super-bike. Superboy wonders what caused that transformation.
Later, at the Galaxy building, Lois is telling Lana about Superman's behavior. Lana thinks Lois is just overreacting when Clark Kent shows up. Lana and Clark leave together and report to make-up for tonight's six o'clock news.
Euphor learns about the transformed biker while watching the news, and guesses the man came near from him not long ago. Euphor is aware that his power is quickly increasing since he arrived in Metropolis thanks to the large numbers of unhappy people, and decides to put his plan against Superman in motion.
The next morning, a recruitment ad for people who has a gripe against Superman is published in the Daily Planet's classified page. Perry White assigns the story to Lois.
After helping fix a space shuttle, Superboy goes to meet Lana and flirts with her, ignoring he and Lana killed their love relationship several years ago and he is supposed to be dating Lois nowadays. Lana slaps him, and Superboy leaves, ashamed.
Some while later, a crowd is gathered around Euphor in the Metropolis Park. Euphor draws negative energy from everyone and then uses that energy to transform three crooks who hate Superman into two armored warriors and a human-headed dragon.
Alerted by the energy flare, Superboy approaches the place and is accosted by the three misfits. Euphor goads them into keep fighting as Superboy holds them back until their bodies are consumed by the very energy which transformed them. Superboy gets upset, but Euphor is not concerned at all.
Euphor turns Lois into a witch on a fiery broom and commands her to attack Superman. Superboy doesn't know what to do: even if he refuses to fight back, she'll eventually self-destruct. His adult self would know what to do, but he isn't experienced enough yet.
Appearing in "Whose Super-Life is it Anyway?"
Featured Characters:
- Superman/Superboy (Flashback and main story)
Supporting Characters:
- Kent Family
- Jonathan Kent (Flashback only)
- Martha Kent (Flashback only)
- Douglas Parker
- Jimmy Olsen
- Lois Lane
- Lana Lang (Flashback and main story)
- Josh Coyle
- Perry White
Antagonists:
- Grizzly Bear (Single appearance)
- Euphor
- "Mace" Malloy (Single appearance)
- Failed Garment Business Owner (Single appearance; dies) (Unnamed)
- Spaceman
- Pickpocket (Single appearance; dies) (Unnamed)
- Flying Dragon
- Loan Shark Collector (Single appearance; dies) (Unnamed)
- Giant Robot
Other Characters:
- Citizens of Smallville (Unnamed)
- Clem (Single appearance)
- Campers
- Father (Unnamed) (Single appearance)
- Son (Unnamed) (Single appearance)
- Rao (Mentioned only)
- Citizens of Metropolis (Unnamed)
- Taxi Driver (Unnamed) (Single appearance)
- WGBS Employees (Unnamed)
- NASA
- Astronaut (Unnamed) (Cameo)
- Metropolis Police Department (Mentioned only)
Locations:
- 1982
- Space
- Earth
- Smallville
- 321 Maple Street
- Kent Farm (Flashback and main story)
- 321 Maple Street
- Metropolis
- Galaxy Communications Building
- Studio B
- Perry White's Office
- 344 Clinton Street
- Clark Kent's Apartment
- Lana Lang's Apartment
- Metropolis Park
- Superman Museum (Mentioned only)
- Galaxy Communications Building
- Smallville
- Earth
- Space
- 1969 (Flashback only)
- Smallville
- 321 Maple Street
- Kent Farm
- 321 Maple Street
- Smallville
- 31st Century (Mentioned only)
Items:
- Superman (Statue only) (Destroyed)
- Daily Planet newspaper
- Space Shuttle protective tiles
- Beef Wellington (Mentioned only)
- Space Gun
Vehicles:
- Motorcycle
- Space Shuttle (Unnamed)
Concepts:
- Time Travel (Flashback only)
- Mind Control
Notes
- Story started in Superman #380 and Superboy (Volume 2) #38 and concludes in Superman #382.
- Superboy states he comes from 1969, when he was sixteen, and he landed in 1982.